The Hardest Goodbye

Sunday August 11th

I think I can officially say I have experienced one of the hardest goodbyes I ever will encounter in my lifetime. Today was our last day at the shelter and I have no idea where the time went. We got to the shelter at our normal time and went right into a meeting with the Brazilian volunteers and the CEO of the shelter. Surprisingly the CEO is this army retiree who looks all big and strong and tough but is really caring and sweet. Even though the Brazilians still have a couple more weeks they joined us so that the CEO could meet everyone but the session was definitely geared toward us and thanking us for all of our dedication and hard work. We went around and told me about all the projects we had worked on and mentioned some things we thought should be worked on and continued at the shelter and with the organization in general. When the director of the shelter and Shiran began talking all they could say was how thankful they were to have us there this summer. They said they saw the teenagers and the women engaged for the first time and that it was amazing to see how quickly we had acquired their love and formed relationships. I am so happy the staff of the shelter feels that we helped and I am so touched that they think our work brought so many people out of their shells. Especially in the last few days it has felt like we are actually part of the family. The mothers care for us and the children love us and we never want to leave them. After 6 weeks I am ready to be in my house and to see my strong single mommy (sorry daddy i love you too but I have been spending the last 6 weeks watching independent strong mothers overcome the hardest part of their lives) but I am not ready to leave these women and children. They will forever me in my heart. 

After our session with the CEO, Shiran, the director, Moshik, Shosh, and Levi we went back to our normal schedule. Although first we showed Shiran and the director the slideshow we made to thank them and gave them all the packets of work we had collected for the shelter to utilize in the future. When I finally got to go see my older mentee I asked her what she wanted to do with the 40 minutes we had and she said she wanted to bake. Normally baking has to be planned several days in advance but Shiran said it was okay as long as we had everything. So I presented my mentee with her finished book (to which she screamed with excitement) and told her to find a recipe. She picked out chocolate chip cookies and we started searching for ingredients. We needed a few things from the store and didn't have a lot of time since it was already about 1:10 at this point and lunch was in 20 minutes. As I ran to the store she began to make the cookies, following the recipe in english. When I returned she was all ready to go. She was so cute saying she wasn't eating until her cookies were done and was so energetic with everything we were doing and making sure that the 5 of us had great last days. Every time she asked what she was supposed to do in the mornings from now on and who was going to take her to do things she liked my heart broke a little more. All I could do was tell her she would make it through and give her a good last day as well. We finally finished the cookies and despite the fact that they were supposed to be snack, many of the moms and of course the girls on my program insisted that they had to be tasted immediately. Again the consensus was that we had made delicious cookies and everyone wanted more. I of course burnt myself as well in the process of cookie making and since I was in the kitchen with the moms when it happened they all swarmed around me to make sure I was okay to get some oil or aloe on my finger as fast as they could. When that happened I think I broke down even more. Normally these women try to stay away from the volunteers but they had accepted us and cared for us and treated in part like we were their own kids while we were there always making sure we had food, were okay, and were happy. There really is no better feeling than that.

Hannah and I were a little disappointed when Shiran told us we would only have less than 30 minutes with our kids alone. Because they were going on a trip on Monday and the schedule in general was changing both animal therapy and gardening were going to take place. It was really hard to think we weren't going to get a real goodbye but during snack time we gave them the books they had created and letters we wrote. Luckily, since all of us wanted to get the kids together one last time we had a party at 5 and everyone took a break from their activities. At the shelter, when kids leave they have a goodbye party in which all of the kids go around and give blessings for a good life and say what they will miss. So that is what we did (and we of course sang Happy Birthday to Hannah and gave her good wishes too). Again my older mentee was really into our party. She was not afraid to take charge and tell the little kids to be quiet and was the first to scream Happy Birthday to Hannah. She had to make sure we knew she was there and I could tell how sad she was. I was really tempted to go along with her plan and put her in my suitcase. Most of the kids didn't want to say anything when we went around the circle. When we later talked to Shiran she said it was because none of them wanted to admit we were leaving. She said that normally everyone talks and is happy for the kids leaving but that they all just wanted to keep us. Surprisingly, other than my mentee, the only kids who talked were the 3 little boys, whom none of us expected to say a thing. The two younger boys were especially cute wishing us ballons and lots of small puppies and brand new houses filled with lots of new things. For us this was a very weird thing to be wished but Shiran explained that normally when people leave they are leaving to new homes and new lives and so the kids always wish these things for one another. I was in shock when the boy in our group said something. All summer there were only a couple of instances when I felt like he actually enjoyed our presence. Lately he has been much happier and full of smiles when he sees me but hearing him wish us a good life and safe flight home was incredible. Never in a million years did I think that would happen. 

As we said our final goodbyes I knew I would have to say bye to the two little girls in my class who were always climbing and hugging and saying they loved us. When I said I love you in hebrew they replied right back in english giving me big hugs and not wanting to let go. Their mom, one of the sweetest woman hugged me goodbye said thank you and wished me a good and happy life and good luck. I didn't know what to say except same to you. Here was this woman we has now been through two divorces and has kids in their twenties and these two adorable little kids who have been through hell and back and she was telling me good luck. I really don't even have the words to describe it all. 

The hardest goodbye was definitely with my older mentee. All day I had heard her talk about how she just wanted us to stay, how she didn't want to have to hang out with the Brazilians and just wanted to be with us. All day she felt like one of my friends at home who I could joke around with, be sassy to, and just be myself around. It didn't feel like I was this awkward figure in her life who wanted to come in and make some huge impact like I did at the beginning of the summer. She even on her own initiative wrote Jordana and I (and Ariel the other day) letters in English without anyone's help. I was about to burst into tears when I read her letter. And am about to even thinking about it now. As we were saying goodbye she told me she wished she had written more to me but she didn't know how to write everything she felt out. Personally I think what she wrote was perfect and I know my idea of eventually taking her to Disney one day is farfetched but I really want to make it happen for her at some point in her lifetime. I really wish at 14/15 I was as strong and as smart as both the girls I mentored. They both taught me so much and so did the shelter in general. I think it safe to say that I accomplished my goal this summer. I was able to inspire someone, maybe even a few people, and help them better their lives. 

To end our volunteering experience, and to celebrate Hannah's birthday, the 5 of us all finally went out to dinner together. We went to the nearby Pasta place and just got to relax and enjoy the amazing weather and evening in Beersheba. As we were finishing up the waiter came over with a dessert complete with 5 spoons and a sparkler for Hannah. Next thing we knew they were playing the Happy Birthday song on the loud speaker and bring out more dessert for all of us to celebrate. Hannah looked so happy by it all. After a great dinner we all walked back to the apartments to get ready to play soccer with our communist peer group. Only when we got to the field we out that they had bailed. Now whether you think that was bad or good is up to but we all kind of took it as a good thing. Instead Levi had asked the neighborhood kids playing if we could join in. At first we were all scared out of our minds. We had seen these kids play and they are intense and as we were volunteering in the garden next door we kept hearing the ball hit the high fence of the soccer field cage. But, we went for it and someone of us joined in. I played for a little and scored 3 goals but was still freaking out inside every time one of them got near me moving fast and kicking the ball 10times harder than I could. Luckily for me, since we were going out with Shiran we got to leave a little early to get ready. At 10 we met her at a local bar to hang out one last time. I have to say that getting to be friends with our boss (she was pretty much our boss) was a fantastic aspect of our relationship. Especially after our first night out with Shiran we all really noticed a change in the way we all worked together. Getting to sit down and have real life discussions and get to know each other outside of the shelter made everything better. And getting to have a last time to see her without kids running around calling her name was a fantastic way to end our experience here in Beersheba.